Here you will find some funny horse jokes of the day!
Jokes come from the Pony Boy message board which you can find here Pony Boy Message BoardPeople do post them there if you wish to send me some jokes you can so hereEmail me Joke Here!!!
Hope you enjoy this!

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that
worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and
our friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear
off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a
barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did,
she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
A Horse's View of the World
Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissues of the mouth.
Bucking: counterirritant
Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.
Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils.
Jump: An opportunity for self-expression.
Latch: Type of puzzle.
Longeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.
Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting
out aggression without compromising food supply.
Trainer: Owner with mob connections.
Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to turn the horse off.

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
Five to flame the spell checkers.
Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.
Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
Another six to condemn those six as stupid.
Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.
Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.
Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.
Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.
Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
Three to tell a funny story about their horses and a light bulb.
AND One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

* Believe in the 11th Commandment: "Inside leg to outside rein."
* Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow.
* Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.
* Know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to one end of it.
* Are banned from Laundromats.
* Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
* Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
* Have a language all their own ("If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand and keep pushing with my seat in case he sucks back".)
* Will end relationships over their hobby.
* Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
* Insure their horses for more than their cars.
* Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.
* Know more about their horse's nutrition than their own.
* Have neatsfoot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.
* Have less wardrobe than their horse.
* Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
* Know that mucking stalls is better then Zoloft any day.

--When your stall is being cleaned, please don't go through the wheelbarrow
& take out bits of wet, dirty hay. You have nice clean hay to eat & no matter
how precious that stuff is to you, it's got to go.

--No matter how entertaining it may be to a horse to knock over a full
wheelbarrow & then watch the resulting swearing & re-filling, it is NOT
considered entertainment by the human.

--Jumping out into the barn aisle over the wheelbarrow will NOT get
you an audition for the USET. I don't care how tightly you can fold your
knees, this is not the time or the place.

--It is not necessary to hide your manure so I have to sift through every
inch of bedding in search of buried treasure. You're not a cat & your stall is not
a giant litter box.

--By the same token, the water bucket is not a commode, and the automatic waterer
does not flush. Are we clear on that?

--The "lah-di-dah" attitude, "Drop it anywhere, I have a maid who comes in & takes
care of that," is not helpful.

--Neat freaks who manure only in one corner of the stall will get extra grooming
time & treats.

--There will be no more unauthorized barn parties after lights out.
When I come in, in the morning and find bleary-eyed horses, straw all
over the aisle, manure half-way up the walls and even the rats have hangovers,
do you think I don't know what went on last night?

Please take this memo to heart, or learn how to clean up your own rooms!

~Laughs from the 'Net~

How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads

BIG MOVER: Can't canter within a two-mile straight-away

NICELY STARTED: Attended a "natural horsemanship clinic," but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet, especially outside the round pen.

TOP COMPETITOR: Won a second place 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.

HOME BRED: Knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.

BIG BONED: Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be mistaken for a cow.

NO VICES: Especially when he wears his muzzle (and when in the round pen).

BOLD & SPIRITED: Runaway.

GOOD MOVER: Runaway.

NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: Runaway.

ATHLETIC: Runaway (but looks good doing it).

SHOULD MATURE 17 HANDS: Currently 15 hands; dam is 15.2, sire is 15.3, but will defy his DNA.

WELL MANNERED: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone since our twelve-year-old neighbor, who we paid to ride him, quit.

RECENTLY VETTED: Someone else found something really wrong with him during soundness exam.

TO GOOD HOME ONLY: Not really for sale unless you can: 1) pay twice what he's worth; 2) are willing to sign a 10-page legal document of release; and 3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night.

LIGHT CRIBBER: We can't afford to build any more fences and barns for this buzz saw.

EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: Never been out of the stall (or the round pen) and never had any pressure of any kind on him.

CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: Clippity-clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

~Handy Euphemisms for Falling Off Your Horse~

1. Joining Airborne Equitation International (affectionately known as AAEEEEEEEEEI!).

2. I'm in a transitional relationship with my saddle.

3. Dirt for dessert.

4. High-fiving a nightcrawler.

5. Swan dive (water optional).

6. Spending a little quality time with gravity.

7. Checking your girth...from the bottom.

8. Doing the rootin' tootin', grass-scorching, scare-the-spectators boogie.

9. A quick trip to Dirtsville.

10. Trolling for paramedics.

11. Just seeing if the judge was paying attention.

12. A Richter-Scale-5 spot check of footing quality.

13. Insufficient flapping.

14. Studying impact craters at close range.

15. Spontaneous retrograde. 16. Pushing down daisies.

17. Turf surfing.

18. Incoming!!

19. A short step-over four feet south of Hermes, France.

20. Vulture baiting.

~The Husband or The Horse?

~HUSBAND ADVANTAGES:

Husbands cost less to shoe than horses.

Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.

A lame husband can still work.

You don't have to chase them to get them to come inside.

If your husband gets a stomach ache you don't have to walk him all night.

Husbands may run up bills but they also help pay them.

Husbands load easily into your vehicle.

Husbands don't have to be fitted with saddles.

You don't have to clip or bath them or trim their feet.

Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.

Husbands don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you leave them alone.

Husbands don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she feeds him treats every day.

~THE HORSE'S ADVANTAGE:

You never have to iron their clothes.

You never have to divorce them you can just sell them.

Clothing repairs do not require sewing, just duct tape.

You never have to share the TV or Computer with them.

You can force them to stay in good physical condition.

They may turn gray but NEVER go bald.

They don't come with in-laws.

They understand restraint.

They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an apple.

A simple fence keeps them in their OWN pasture.

They never leave the lid up on the bathroom stool.

They don't burp or keep you up all night snoring.

Top 10 Signs Your Dressage Test Needs Some Work...

1. Under judges remarks she writes only: "Nice braid job."

2. Horse confuses dressage arena rail for a cavaletti; exits at K

3. Your circles shape reminds the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.

4. Your serpentine was perfect, except that it was supposed to be a straight centerline.

5. Sitting trot has caused some fillings to be loosened in lower molars.

6. Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and heading towards the nearest patch of grass.

7. Your working trot had you working harder than your horse.

8. In your salute your inadvertently use your whip hand causing your horse to perform airs above the ground.

9. Your walk seems to be more "rare" than "medium".

10. Impulsion improves only after the horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery near letters.

Exercises for Horse People

Drop heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, stupid! GET OFF!"
Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you're doing; they might as well know now.
Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you're having fun.
Hone your fibbing skills: "See, Hon', moving hay bales is FUN!"
Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralysed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
Borrow the U.S. Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be . . . . bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen.. . .. .
Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is . . .."
Marry money.

Funny Horses: Click Here!!!!!!!!

How to Worm a Horse:

1. Buy wormer paste.

2. Capture the wild beast -a.k.a- the horse.

3. Firmly grip lead rope in left/right hand (whichever you do not write with).

4. With your other hand insert wormer tube.

5. Pick yourself up off the ground and ask someone to hold your horse while you go to the emergency room to have your dislocated shoulder looked at.

6. Repeat steps 1-5, but duck this time as the back hooves somehow go flying past your head.

7. As your legs get twisted in the rope, try to stand up, only to have your legs pulled out from under you.

8. As soon as you spit out ALL the dirt you just ate, jump up and grab your horse.

9. Ponder why this is not working.

10. Repeat steps 1-5 and 6, but this time go home, change into a shirt that does not have apple- flavored wormer paste all over it and proceed to go to the feed store and buy another tube.

11. When you get back to the barn, see the manager's 10-year-old son walking over to you.

12. Let him take the worming tube from your hand, and watch in disbelief as he worms your horse without getting a single spot of the paste on himself, and there is no dirt on his face, and he's not in the emergency room.

13. Put your horse back in the barn and go home to your nice warm bed.

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